Parting of the Ways Parody
by JazzyMcWier
Summary: Okay, a 9thDr and Rose shippiness, that last ep of the first season, and some random annoying, evil twits, aka Daleks. This was done out of love and respect for the creators and actors of Dr. Who, so please don't think I don't love this show, cause I do.


Author: JazzyMcWier

Note: This is my first foray into actually posting my Dr. Who stuff.

_The Italicized stuff _is what's happening, who's going where, setting stuff and all that. Sadly, this system won't let me do asteriks or brackets or anything else, so with stuff like "pouts," I'm just going to **bold** it, okay?

Note 2: Okay, just for the record, I'm not totally against Mickey.I just don't view him as useful in any way, shape, or form. So this is not for any Mickey-adorers or shippers of Mickey/Rose. Good, now we've got that cleared up, onto the story! _

* * *

_

_Rose is stuck inside a ship with thousands of evil, annoying little twits—aka: Daleks—who want to kill her._

DALEKS: Where's the Doctor? When's he coming? What the hell is he doing?

ROSE: Uh, guys…? I'm just his sidekick. I can't read his mind. But I have a feeling you want to kill him. Am I right?

DALEKS: Yep. Oh, and here comes the TARDIS now.

_The TARDIS—Time And Relative Dimension In Space, aka: The Big Blue Box of Time—materializes over Rose and a Dalek._

DOCTOR: Hey Rose….Get down.

ROSE: Wha—

DOCTOR: Get. Down. Jack's got a big-ass gun and he's gonna shoot the Dalek that's behind you.

_Rose ducks and Capt. Jack fries the Dalek with his big-ass gun that's only a one-shot wonder_.

ROSE: _To Jack_ Nice shot. _To the Doctor_ I missed you, Doc. C'mere and give me a hug while we try to squash any romantic feelings we have.

DOCTOR: Missed you, too….

JACK: Hey, what about me?** pouts**

ROSE: Oh, all right. Lemme give you a hug with absolutely no romantic feelings whatsoever…

DOCTOR: Right. Onto some exposition about the Time War not being a myth and how I had to kill my people along with the Daleks and now it's all been for nothing. Oh, well, let's go meet the neighbors.

JACK and ROSE: ….

ROSE: Hey, wait…Aren't you gonna _die _if you go out there?

_The Doctor goes out and gets immediately attacked by Daleks. However, the forcefield protects the TARDIS and everyone inside/around it._

DOCTOR: …ahahahaha….Your weapons have no power over me now. _To the cowards inside the Big Blue Box of Time_ You can come out now.

ROSE and JACK: …okay… _both step outside_

DOCTOR: _to Daleks_ So, who's the boss around here?

HUGE EVIL TWIT: That would be me.

DOCTOR: Ah, right then. And you would be…?

HUGE EVIL TWIT: I am the King….no, no, no…that wouldn't do…I am the Emperor…snappy, but not quite….Ah, here we go, I am the GOD of all Daleks!

STARGATE SG-1 FANFIC WRITERS: Sounds like a Go'uld, doesn't he….

DALEKS: **twitter about how great their god is**

DOCTOR: Oh, shut up, will you! Since when did you guys feel anything but hatred?

"GOD" OF DALEKS: I took some dead guys from Earth and built my army.

ROSE: Ewww…They're half-human.

DALEKS: That's blasphemy! Do not blaspheme!

DOCTOR: I told you once already….Shut up! But wait…You hate your own existence, don't you? shudders That makes you even more dangerous_. To Jack and Rose_ C'mon, guys, let's bounce.

DALEKS AND "GOD": Wait! Stop! You're not allowed to leave his Majesty's royal, utterly amazing, and creepifying presence yet!

_Rose, Doctor, and Jack all climb into TARDIS_

xoxoxo

_In Satellite 5, Jack and Rose sit with Linda and a guard and watch the Doctor go a little bit more off than he already is._

DOCTOR: So, if I can hook these wires up, I can create…dundundun….

JACK: A Delta Wave!

_The Doctor looks slightly disappointed that Jack took his line but smiles as Linda says something vaguely flirtatious. Rose growls slightly._

JACK: Delta waves are extremely dangerous. Get in the way of one, and you'll fry your brain…Which means that if we aim this thing at the Daleks, they'll all die.

DOCTOR: It'll take me about 3 days, what with my brilliance and all….Hey, how long do we have anyways?

RANDOM GUARD GUY: Uh, about 2 minutes.

DOCTOR: Right. smiles Okay, Rose, I'm gonna need you here to help me. **coughIloveyoucough** Linda, how 'bout you go track these evil, annoying little twits as they land on the station.

LINDA: Okay. Hey, Doc…?

DOCTOR: Hmmm?

LINDA: Uh, thanks_. Both go to kiss, then pull back, laugh awkwardly, and shake hands. Rose looks even more pissed-off than ever and the Doctor avoids her gaze which could kill even a Dalek._

JACK: Take care, guys. I'm gonna go rally up some support to fight against the Daleks once they get here. Oh, and Rose?

ROSE: Yeah?

JACK: You're worth fighting for. _He kisses her then turns to the Doctor_. Well, Doctor. Never liked you anyways. **laughs **_Kisses the Doctor too._ Bye, guys.

ROSE: He's gonna be okay, right?

xoxoxoxo

_In Some Room on Satellite 5_

JACK: _To angry, scared mob_ Hey guys…Uh, guys..? Hey_! Shoots other big-ass gun and everybody stops talking_ That's better. Who's coming with?

STUPID GUY: Don't listen to him. There are no Daleks, you guys know that.

JACK: You, shut up. If y'all don't wanna help, then just listen to us die, okay? Then you can say there's no Daleks. Oh, and FYI…When they get here, they'll probably head up, rather than down, but that's just a theory of mine. _To people who volunteered_ Let's go, guys.

_Jack, guards, and some random lady walk into the elevator. _

xoxoxoxoxo

_Back up on Floor 500…._

ROSE: You do realize that you have a time machine, right? We could just go back and warn people that this is gonna happen.

DOCTOR: Hmm…actually I was thinking a beach somewhere…in 1989.We could just leave and let things happen. _Que sera sera_, right?

ROSE: Yeah….But you wouldn't do that. I know you.

DOCTOR: **glances at her meaningfully** Yeah, but you could ask. _A small silence_ Hey, you're a genius! Let's go back in time somewhere…something about crossing my own timeline…'cause this Delta Wave thing's gonna be detrimental to our health.

ROSE: Uh, okay…Let's do it then!

_Both go into the TARDIS and start powering it up_

DOCTOR: Oh, wait. I gotta go get something. Hold on a mo. _Runs out of TARDIS, shuts the door, and sends Rose somewhere, all the while looking _**determined and heart-wrenchingly sad.**

ROSE: Hey! Wait a minute! I thought we were gonna ride off into the sunset together, right!

PROGRAMMED DOCTOR: Hey, Rose. Yeah, over here. If you're watching this, then I'm dead or in perilous peril and I had to save you. I promised to look after you, so I'm sending you home and the TARDIS is programmed not to return for me.

ROSE: No….

DOCTOR: Yep. And if you want to remember me after you've buried the TARDIS, you can do only one thing. Wanna know what that is?

STARGATE SG-1 FANFIC WRITERS: Is that like burying a Stargate so nobody can return? Hmm… **start plotting DR. WHO/STARGATE crossover fic**

PROGRAMMED DOCTOR: Sure, whatever…now shut up! You're ruining a perfectly good message and a poignant scene. Anyways, Rose…Have a fantastic life, okay? _Program fades softly off screen._

ROSE: WTF? Why are you doing this to me? Do you actually want me to die alone and unloved? TARDIS, take me back. I command you. _The TARDIS stops with a screech and Rose races outside only to find herself back home on Earth_

_Mickey, her old **cough **_**ex**_** cough** b__oyfriend races up to her as she weeps for the Doctor._

MICKEY: **being incredibly useless as usual** Hey, you! I heard those engines and I knew that it ain't no car or anything. _Sees that she's crying_ What's up?

xoxoxoxoxo

_Satellite 5_

JACK: Hey, Rose, read off those readings, will ya?

DOCTOR: She's not here.

JACK: Takin' a leak before the action starts, hmmpf? Well, when she gets back—

DOCTOR: She's not comin' back, Jack.

JACK: You sent her home, didn't you? _The Doctor looks up at him_ Dammit! You probably didn't even say a proper goodbye, huh? Man, she is gonna be so pissed if she sees you again!

"GOD" OF DALEKS: **comes on-screen in all his annoying-voiced glory** Are you ever gonna tell them what's really goin on here? That either: A) It'll never work or B) Every living thing will die if you set that off? Lemme guess…that would be a _no._

JACK: Okay, so…hey…this transmitter covers the_ entire_ freakin' Earth. Are you prepared to deal with the consequences of your actions?

"GOD" OF DALEKS: If I am God the Creator, where does that put you in the grand scheme of things?

DOCTOR: I'd rather live as a human than die as a Dalek, if that's what you're asking. What would you do in this hypothetical situation, Jack?

JACK: Well, since you sent her home, she'll be safe and we can do this. Keep working.

DOCTOR: Okay, now that we've got that cleared up, I wanna know something, oh, "God of all Daleks."

"GOD" OF DALEKS: Okay, shoot…

DOCTOR: What's up with this Bad Wolf thing? Every-_freakin_-where we went, it was always "Bad Wolf this" or "Bad Wolf that." Couldn't you find more creative ways to take us over than the same thing, over and over and over again?

"GOD" OF DALEKS: Uh…that wasn't me, actually. Though, I gotta admit, whoever did that was pretty clever.

xoxoxoxoxo

_Back in jolly, ol' England, Rose, Mrs. Tyler and Useless Boy…..uh, Mickey, are sitting in some café or another, trying to get Rose to chat as if everything's normal. Rose is getting more pissed-off at this by the moment._

ROSE: Okay, enough with the useless chatter. Do you mind? I'm trying to mourn here.

MRS. TYLER: Won't you eat something, dear?

ROSE: He's up there dying, 200,000 years in the future, and you're asking me to eat something. Are you serious?

MICKEY: Yeah, but that's 200,000 years in the future. Think about the present instead.

ROSE: But it _is_ now, you moron! I was just up there a little while ago, which, in case you haven't noticed, happens to be the present!

MRS. TYLER: Y'know, I always did think he was a bit too old for you cough but not me cough and I hated him for it. But right now, I love the man, cause he did the right thing and brought you home to me…_sees Mickey's glare…_us, I mean home to us.

ROSE: _She seems not to have noticed anything her mom said_ _and stares mournfully off into the distance._ But I can't live a normal life, Mum. It won't work.

MICKEY: Cause you think you're better than us cause you've been with the Doctor? _To Mrs. Tyler_Ididn't mean been with as in...been with.

ROSE: blushes madly NO! _**cough but yes cough**_ It's just…I've seen so much stuff and I know there's so much more than eating chips and…I just can't! _Rose bursts into tears and runs out of the café, leaving them at the table, a bit more confused than they had been a few minutes beforehand._

Later…..

_Mickey finds Rose sitting on a bench in some abandoned parking-lot-thing and spends his entire conversation with her whining._

MICKEY: C'mon, please don't spend the rest of your life pining after the Doctor. No. Seriously. Please don't.

ROSE: But how do I forget him? He's really cool and sacrificed himself for me, meaning that he's gonna die really soon.

MICKEY: Well, you could come live a proper life with me?

_Rose isn't listening. Instead, she sees the graffiti all around with the words "Bad Wolf"_

ROSE: Okay, so it's here on Earth, too. Slightly creepy…

MICKEY: But that's been there for…well, I don't know exactly, so I'll just say years.

ROSE: It's a message, a connection, between me and the Doctor. I can go back! Yippee…! _She runs off to find the TARDIS and get back._

MICKEY: Yippee….

ROSE: _Inside the TARDIS_ Okay, so if I open this thing and tear this thing apart, I can get the TARDIS to do what I want.

MICKEY: But wait…If you go back, you'll die.

ROSE: How very astute of you. Maybe, maybe not. It's a risk, I'll give you that.

MICKEY: So…why go back at all?

ROSE: There's nothing here for me. Nothing at all. Nada. Nope. Nuttin'.

MICKEY: **in a rare moment of coolness and usefulness** Then let's do this.

xoxoxoxoxo

_Back on Satellite 5, Linda takes up position as guard of the Very Cool Monitor of Stealthiness, and the Daleks pour into the station. _

LINDA: Uh, guys, the Daleks are here and…here. Go get 'em, team!

RANDOM LADY: _screaming at Jack _You bastard! You told me I'd live! You're wrong. **is zapped by Dalek Lightening Weapon of DOOM**

JACK: Did not, lady! I said it was a possibility….Ooops, too late…How's it goin' up there, Doc?

DOCTOR: Just fine, thank you. Just keep them AWAY FROM ME as long as you can, got it?

JACK: Ten-four, boss.

RANDOM GUARD GUY: _to other random lady who he's totally into_ Y'know, if we get out of this alive, we should go for a drink or something.

OTHER RANDOM LADY: …..

RANDOM GUARD GUY: Man, does that sound clichéd!

OTHER RANDOM LADY: Yeah, but I like you so…sure, why not. **winks**

RANDOM GUARD GUY : **melts into puddle of useless goo**

JACK: Uh, guys, we got incoming.

BOTH: Oh, right._ both shoot at the Daleks and then die. It really is quite sad, cause they were cute together._

JACK: Great. Send me two more!

LINDA: Uh, Jack?

JACK: Yeah, kinda in the middle of a battle….

LINDA: Jack…this is important

JACK: **BAMBAMBAM **Fine. What?

LINDA: Uh, sorry for interrupting, but the Daleks aren't going up. They're going down.

JACK: Yes, that is the opposite of up—Wait…are you saying they're going to kill all the innocent civilians who don't even believe they're alive?

LINDA: Yep.

JACK: Great… **BAMBAMBAM**

DOCTOR: Hey, so this thing is done already. AWESOME! Par-taay! **starts dancing, then notices all the evil, annoying little twits standing around him** Oh, great….

"GOD" OF DALEKS: **starts gloating about how he will kill the Doctor 'cause the Doc can't kill everybody else with his random Delta Wave thing.**

_A noise cuts through the gloating…._

DOCTOR: _to noise_ Thanks for that.

NOISE: No prob. Anytime. Yep. Definitely. Call me!

_…And the TARDIS appears behind the Doctor. All stand wide-eyed as some beautiful person surrounded by lights walks out. It's Rose, whose eyes are all glowy—_

STARGATE SG-1 FANFIC AUTHORS: That's definitely Go'uld-ish!

_And she comes to help the Doctor, who's staring at her like he's seeing a vision which, really, for him, she is. He goes all googly-eyed and melts into a puddle of goo, but since he's already on the floor, you can't really tell all that much._

ROSE: Hey, look, my eyes glow and I got the TARDIS to come here and guess what? Bad Wolf is all my doing. I used it to remind myself to come back here and save you. _to Daleks_ And to kill you guys. _She raises a hand and all the Daleks in the surrounding area turn to dust._

DOCTOR: Uh, Rose, that stuff from the "Heart of the TARDIS" is not meant for any mortal brain to handle. You're gonna burn up.

ROSE: Ugh, you're right. My head is killing me.

DOCTOR: I think you need a Doctor.

_The two share a mind-blowing kiss. No. Seriously. It is a really good kiss. And the shippers around the world unite in one big, "Awww…." The light in Rose's eyes flows into the Doctor's in a really cool vis-effect way and she faints. Whether from the glowy stuff leaving her or from the kiss, we don't know. But she wakes up later in the TARDIS hardly remembering anything, which has totally gotta suck, cause it was really cool. _

ROSE: So…where we going?

DOCTOR: I dunno. Hey, wanna go to Barcelona, the planet? They've got a theme park and everything.

ROSE: Okay….

DOCTOR: Okay, well, I gotta get going. See, we Time Lords have a thing….We kinda cheat Death by…changing a bit. So I wanna say one thing before you never see my really, really blue eyes ever again…

ROSE: No, don't say that!

DOCTOR: Just let me get my famous last words out….You were awesome, I was pretty cool too, and even though I won't say it flat out for some stupid reason, you get the definite impression that I totally LOVE YOU. Okay? Well, later.

_Some sort of fiery stuff blasts through his body and he suddenly metamorphoses into…someone else._

NEW DOCTOR: Woah….weird. New teeth in this model. Oh, well. Right. Onto the next topic…Barcelona.

* * *

Note: Okay, so I absolutely loved and hated that ep. It was just such a cool ep and so shippy too **sigh** but Christopher Eccleston doesn't want to be "typecast." Stupid! Oh, well... 


End file.
